


Please Stay

by KellynKupcake



Series: My Modern AU [3]
Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Attempted Suicide, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mental Institutions, Past Suicide Attempt, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, friendship fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 01:20:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30098097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KellynKupcake/pseuds/KellynKupcake
Summary: John finally having access to his mobile phone brings him some much needed comfort but also extra pain.Jumbled timeline because I write what I feel like lately. But this is actually the sequel to Don’t Go and Just Ask.PLEASE read the warnings on this fic. Don't click if you know you aren't going to like the content.
Series: My Modern AU [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2210796
Kudos: 3





	Please Stay

**Author's Note:**

> This series will be VERY dark at times but there's definitely lighter content coming. Please don't bother reading if you're just going to be rude at the end. I write content I'm interested in. If you're not, that's fine. But don't come here and hate on me because you disregarded the warnings.
> 
> The stories in this series are all from the same AU. Jumbled timeline because I write what I feel like. I will be posting the one's I've already written in consecutive order but I will also be writing more to fill in the gaps and better explain. So they will come afterwards and may fit anywhere within the timeline of the stories that have already been posted. :) 
> 
> I stan Abigail and John/Abi so hard during canon but in my Modern AU, Abi is kind of a horrible bitch. :(

John wasn’t sure he’d slept at all the night before. His eyes were dry and aching and his nose was red raw from wiping it. The muscles in his neck were sore from trying to keep himself quiet and his breath had been hitching involuntarily since the early hours.

He’d thought the first few days had been rough. But they were nothing compared to what he’d experienced after Arthur had left him.

He’d felt lonely plenty of times in his life. But he wasn’t sure he’d ever felt quite so alone as he had watching Arthur’s back retreat down the hallway.

He’d wanted to scream for him to come back. Cry and beg for him to stay by his side despite years of internalised fear of looking weak in front of the other man.

He’d hated himself for it.

Needing someone.

He had a mandatory physic session after visiting hours had ended and as usual, he had refused to speak at all.

His psychologist was a very patient man. Generally, they would sit in a comfortable silence. Every now and then he would ask a question or make a statement and when John didn’t respond he would scribble something in his note pad.

John wondering what the man could possibly gleam from his silence. But he’d never ask. The scratching of the pen on paper made his skin crawl.

The other man reading him like an open book without him ever having to speak. Seeing into his psyche intimately and writing down his findings to be placed in his file alongside mundane information such as his blood type.

John wasn’t sure what vibe he had given off that prompted the doctor to ask if there was something he could do to make his stay more comfortable.

He had scoffed in reply. Asking if the doctors there had always been in the habit of bribing their patients or if he was just special.

The other man had laughed heartily at the retort before replying that their focus at the hospital was to help their patients get better and go home. He simply wanted to know what it was that would make John feel comfortable enough to talk to him.

John had answered immediately that he wanted his phone.

He hadn’t been able to tell anyone where he’d gone.

Hadn’t left a note.

The Doctor had reminded him calmly that patients weren’t permitted to have their cells and if John wanted to contact a friend or relative he could do so through the landlines they had set up where patients could be monitored during their calls.

John had rolled his eyes. He didn’t want to talk on the phone. He hated phone calls with a passion.

He wanted to text.

He didn’t want to hear the emotion in his friend’s voices as he explained what had happened or more accurately, he was terrified of not hearing any emotion at all.

Realising that they didn’t care.

John’s doctor had been silent for a long while. Tapping the end of his pen against his lips as he stared at the large painting above John’s head and lost himself in thought.

“I might be able to get you some time with your phone. If you participate in today’s session.” He’d said finally, again causing John to scoff.

“So a bribe?” He’d asked again, making the other man smile.

“A reward.” He had replied simply.

~

The doctor hadn’t probed too much. Keeping things light and making sure John felt safe as they finally got to know one another.

He’d seemed happy with the results and kept up his end of the bargain. Allowing John to use his phone for a few minutes under the watchful eye of one of the other staff members.

John had held his breath as he’d watched the apple symbol fade away and his lock screen had come into view. He stared at baby Jack as he waited, unconsciously clenching his jaw as he waited to see if anyone had missed him.

He’d let out the breath he’d been holding as the phone began to vibrate. Days of texts and missed calls coming through all at once.

_Karmen_

_Arthur_

_Karmen_

_Karmen_

_Mary-Beth_

_Karmen_

_Arthur_

He’d mumbled the names as they’d popped up on the screen, feeling a sense of relief but also a great sadness.

“Abigail.” He’d whispered, clicking on the text immediately and ignoring the others. It wasn’t a message from her, but an automated notification to let him know she had called. He started at it, swallowing hard as he read the words:

_No voicemail was message left._

He sighed shakily, his heart feeling heavy. He wasn’t sure what he had expected. She knew where he was and more pertinently, she had no reason to miss him.

He swallowed audibly, wiping at his misty eyes as he clicked away and in to Karmen’s messages instead.

_23 Missed called. 14 texts._

He felt his heart flutter and for a small moment he felt happy. Every missed call had a voicemail attached and every message asked him where he was.

If he was okay.

His eyes watered as he scrolled through them. He didn’t have time to listen to the voicemails. But the texts were enough to make his heart ache. The desperation he sensed in her messages was palpable.

Guilt bubbled in his chest as he realised he had made her fret.

-

_Are you home?_

_-_

_Please answer me, I’m worried._

_-_

_Are you okay?_

_-_

_John please let me know you’re alright!_

_-_

_You’re scaring me :(_

_-_

_Please John answer me if you’re okay. xxx_

_-_

Days’ worth of texts begging him to respond. His lips trembled, eyes spilling over as he reached the end of the thread.

His thumbs moved unconsciously across the keys as he replied without thinking.

-

_I’m okay_

_-_

He said simply. Staring at the message for a moment before three dots appeared and he knew she was typing back. Surprised by how quick she’d been. Had she really been waiting for him to respond this entire time?

-

_Thank God_

_-_

She replied. The three dots appearing again almost instantly as she continued to type.

_-_

_I just spoke to Arthur_

_-_

She replied again, making John’s breath hitch. There was a moment where nothing happened on the screen and John had to look away. Putting his phone down on the table in front of him and rubbing at his eyes. Unable to get rid of the persistent wetness.

His phone vibrated again, and he looked down at the message with blurry eyes.

-

_Do you want visitors?_

_-_

The text asked simply, making him choke on a sob as he snatched the cell and replied a quickly.

-

_Yes._

_-_

_I’ll be there as soon as I can._

_-_

She replied, the three dots ever looming.

John typed rapidly, his eyes darting between his phone and the nurse in the corner of the room. He could feel her watching him intently and knew he didn’t have much longer before she took his cell again.

Especially if he couldn’t control his emotions.

-

_They’re going to take my phone again_

_-_

John typed urgently, shaky thumb pressing send and causing her dots to disappear for a second before reappearing just as fast.

-

_Stay strong honey xx_

_-_

Karmen replied.

John stared at it, heart somehow feeling lighter and heavier at the same time.

The nurse began to walk towards him and he held his phone closer, protectively as he switched back in to Abigail’s messages.

-

_Please come and visit_

_-_

He typed hurriedly, feeling sick at the thought of begging. Only just managing to hit send as the nurse held out her hand and told him his time was up.

He handed it over reluctantly. Watching as she turned it off and gestured for him to stand so she could walk him back to his room.

~

John hadn’t slept again or at least he didn’t think he did. He hadn’t been this tired since Jack was a newborn and yet, he couldn’t bring himself to close his eyes.

He’d spent the night staring at the ceiling and overanalysing everything that was said in his last text exchange.

He supposed that’s why they weren’t allowed to have their phones. It was so easy to misinterpret a line of text as opposed to a line that came from the lips. Although John thought, if anyone could still misinterpret a line from the lips it was probably him.

A knock on the doorframe caught his attention and he looked over to find Karmen standing there with a sympathetic smile. She entered without being beckoned as he rushed to sit up and greet her.

“You came.” He said softly when he found his voice, earning himself a frown.

“Of course, I did.” She said incredulously, placing her handbag down on the nightstand and moving to sit in the same chair Arthur had occupied the day before. “Did you not want me to?” She asked, her tone light but her words holding weight.

John had been vulnerable in front of her many times before. But whenever he showed his emotions, he seemed to always have one foot out the door. Readying himself to run away from his problems or just shut down completely at any moment. She knew he had trouble with his own weaknesses, especially in front of an audience and if he wanted her to leave, she would.

He’d gotten better at expressing himself over the years. But he’d never quite gotten the hang of truly letting someone else share his burden. There was always something he was keeping to himself and often it weighed him down significantly.

She desperately wished he would share his whole self with her so she could help ease his pain. But despite her hopes she had come to terms with the way he handled himself long ago. Long before Abigail existed in their lives.

She couldn’t believe now in the current state of things that she had once dared to hope he might share his whole self with Abigail.

The rotten bitch didn’t deserve to know what was weighing him down so heavily.

Perhaps he did share with her though.

She thought to herself as she looked to him with compassion. Maybe sharing his burden with her and being rejected had been the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Something had snapped between the time he had left her house and when he ended up here.

She didn’t intend to ask him what had happened.

He would tell her when he was ready. He always did.

“Abigail didn’t come.” John said simply after a moment of silence. Ignoring her question but effectively explaining his confusion. Karmen looked at him sympathetically, trying hard to convey that she felt sad for him but she did not pity him.

“Are you surprised?” She asked softly, a genuine question not meant to be sarcastic or mean. John shook his head slowly, biting at the inside of his bottom lip to try and stop it from trembling.

He looked away from his friend, taking in a deep breath and trying his best to ignore the burning behind his eyes.

He jumped slightly as she stood, and he felt her hand slide on top of his. He looked down to their joined hands, turning his to take hers fully and squeezing tightly. Staring at it for a long minute before using it to pull her closer and wrapping his arms around her.

Karmen sat on the edge of the bed to keep her balance. Her free arm coming to wrap around his back and pull him close. He pressed his face into her shoulder, tears wetting the fabric of her shirt as he took a moment to let himself cry.

She shushed him lightly, squeezing his hand back hard and rubbing her thumb along what she could reach of his palm. Her other hand running small circles over his back as she held him firmly to her, doing her best to make him feel secure.

“Is she home?” John asked hoarsely, voice muffled against her collarbone. He heard Karmen swallow and knew he’d already gotten his answer.

She hesitated, unsure if the truth was best in this situation.

“Yes. She’s been home.” She answered eventually, voice soft as if whispering would make it hurt less. John didn’t respond, unsure he would be able to if he tried. His heart thundered in his chest and his body ached all over. His face felt hot and his teeth threatened to crack with how hard he was clenching his jaw. “I’m sorry.” Karmen whispered, her hand coming up to run through his hair.

John had always relished the physical comfort she gave him. She was the first person he ever remembered hugging him at the tender age of eight. He wasn’t sure if his Father had ever hugged him but if he had, he was too young to remember it.

Karmen had been a constant source of comfort throughout his life whether she knew it or not. Being around her made him feel inexplicably safe despite knowing she wasn’t capable of physically protecting him. He towered over her in stature and he had been known to knock out other men as big as Arthur, whereas he wasn’t sure Karmen had ever been involved in a physical altercation in her entire life.

Karmen stroked her fingers through his hair absently and wondered what he was thinking about. He hadn’t responded about Abigail. She doubted he was thinking positive thoughts.

“You scared me.” She said softly after a long moment of silence. John jolted slightly when she spoke, being thrown back roughly into reality.

“I’m sorry.” He said croakily, squeezing her tighter.

“I’ve been texting and calling all week.” She murmured, anger on the edge of her tone but not quite shining through.

John felt himself shiver against her as a new wave of guilt rushed through his chest. Sucking the air from his lungs as he desperately tried to take in another breath. Lungs hitching and failing as Karmen ran a calming hand down his spine and shushed him again lightly.

“Why didn’t…” He tried, finding his voice again through the lump in his throat. “You come earlier?” He finished, choking on his own words as he felt her sigh in his arms.

She was silent for too long.

John convincing himself without her needing to speak that she simply didn’t want to. He was a chore that she’d put off as long as humanely possible. Arriving just in time to throw him a bone and keep him alive.

“I didn’t know where you were.” Karmen finally answered, making John frown at the flatness of her tone.

He had seen her texts and knew she was asking for him.

She lived across the damn road from him for God’s sakes. If she wanted to know where he was how hard was it to walk across the street and ask.

“Didn’t you ask Abigail?” He questioned, pulling away from the hug and looking to her with furrowed brows.

She stared back, sad eyes filled with something he could not discern, looking him over as she contemplated her answer.

Of course, she had asked.

“I didn’t think of it.” She lied, placing a hand on his cheek and wiping at the new tears forming with a gentle thumb.

John swallowed thickly, her answer out of character with everything he knew about her. She was relentless when she wanted answers. Ruthless when it came to things like social media stalking. She could spend twenty minutes on someone’s Facebook and tell you what their Mother had eaten for lunch the day they were born.

But she hadn’t thought to ask _his wife_ where he was when he had stopped responding to her texts…

He didn’t buy it.

“Arthur called me yesterday. I came as soon as I could.” She added, looking into his eyes and spying a sadness so deep she was afraid it would swallow him.

It almost had.

She realised, gritting her teeth and blinking against her own tears.

“She didn’t tell you where I was?” John asked after a long moment, voice small. “What I’d-” He stopped himself, unable to finish the sentence.

Karmen stared at him, biting at her bottom lip as she watched his face crumple.

“She just said you weren’t home.” She explained with a sigh. “I don’t know why she told Arthur the truth.” She whispered earnestly, pulling him back to her and guiding his head to her shoulder with one hand.

He rested against her easily. Craving her touch in the most platonic sense.

“I do.” He answered plainly, the pain in his voice evident as he took in a shaky breath.

“She scared of him like everyone else?” Karmen asked with a chuckle. Surprised when John sniffed out a small laugh.

“No.” He answered. “The opposite.”

“He’s scared of her?” Karmen asked, her voice scandalous, making John smile. She knew what he meant. Abigail’s suspected crush on Arthur had been brought up a few times between their small group of friends. She’d never broached it with John, but she suspected he knew.

He didn’t have to say it if it was too distressing. She decided instead to move on from the topic of Arthur. He’d already guesses she had spoken with Abigail. No point now in omitting the specifics. “Abigail…” She began, feeling him tense at the named. “She was acting real’ weird when I saw her.” She said softly. “Not gonna’ lie I was kinda worried she’d murdered you.” She added with a chuckle. “Glad she didn’t though.”

John pulled away from her again, a small smile on his face as he moved away completely and rolled his eyes. He sat back against the head of his bed and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Wouldn’t put it passed her to be honest.” He lamented. “Seems to want me gone bad enough.”

Karmen nodded, clicking her tongue for lack of anything to say. She knew Abigail had purposefully deceived her. But enforcing that with John was not what he needed from her in that moment. He didn’t need her to force him into feeling disdain for his wife while he was so vulnerable.

If he wanted to leave her, he needed to make that decision on his own. Not under her influence. He wouldn’t have him feeling resentful of her or her involvement in their divorce in future.

“I don’t think she’ll come.” John said softly, breaking the long silence as Karmen looked to him sympathetically. “If she doesn’t…” He began, sitting forward and wringing his hands together in his lap. “Could you see if she’ll let you bring Jack?” He asked after a moment, muscles straining under the effort to keep his face neutral. 

“Sure.” Karmen nodded with a soft shrug. She wasn’t hopeful but she could certainly try. She’d do anything to make him happy at this point. “Oh.” She exclaimed, making him jump as she reached for her bag on the nightstand. “Here.” She said excitedly, rummaging through her bag and producing something.

She held out her hand and he took the object with a smile.

“I forgot this was coming out.” He said softly, staring at the Pokemon game in his hands before looking to her with watery eyes. “Thank you.” He whispered, feeling emotion rise to the surface once more.

“I just bought them before I came here. So you’ve got Sword and I‘ve got Shield, so we can trade.” Karmen smiled, pulling her console from her bag and placing it on the nightstand. “You can borrow mine until you get home.” She said softly.

“Actually, Arthur brought me mine.” John said quickly, pulling open the nightstand and checking to make sure he hadn’t dreamed it.

Everything was fuzzy at the moment.

“Oh, even better.” Karmen smiled wickedly, taking her console back and placing it in her purse. “You’d better get on that. Make sure to catch extras of all the exclusives for me.” She said, only half joking. But mainly intending to push John into obsessing over something other than the state of his marriage.

John stared at the cover art, excitement flicking in his chest for the first time in a long while. He really had been looking forward to it.

Until…

He closed his eyes, pushing the thought away as he placed the game down next to him. At least now he would have something to keep him occupied during the long nights of no sleep.

“Thanks.” He said again, unable to accurately express how much the small gesture meant to him.

“You’re welcome honey.” Karmen smiled, placing a comforting hand on his knee and petting it gently as he watched on with glazed eyes.

“Do… Do you have to go soon?” John asked, voice hoarse as he kept his emotions at bay for the moment.

“Not if you don’t want me to.” She answered, a question lingering in the air as John shook his head in response.

“Wanna play?” He asked after a moment, watching as her lips quirked at the question.

“Hell yes, I do.” She answered eagerly, reaching for her bag once more as John chuckled at her enthusiasm.

She always seemed to know exactly what he needed to make him feel better.

He was so grateful to have her.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't imagine many people will read this one but if you did, thank you! I hope you liked it and pleaseee let me know what you liked and what you would like to see in the future! I would love to hear from you! ❤


End file.
